Beautiful Sorrow

A friend of mine lost her mom yesterday. I got the phone call and fell apart immediately. I wasn't extremely close to her mother but I loved her as many of us did. I spent much of my night, before drifting off to sleep finally, praying for my friend. As I prayed what happened was painful but needed. Sometimes in situations I don't know what to pray. I feel like I am just babbling words that don't quite fit the situation or I can't quite express what my feelings really are and they cannot be articulated sufficiently into a prayer. What happened as I lay in the darkness was the L-rd brought back so many emotions of what I felt the night my own mother died. I was transported back to the house, the smells, each person that sat in my room with me, how I couldn't go into a dark room for months afterward, how I felt the peace of G-d so strongly sometimes and then so desperately alone at others. The fear, the sadness, the uncertainty and so many other emotions all at one time that would wash over me. That day has shifted the way I look at EVERYTHING. So I prayed specifically for those issues for my friend. I realize we don't suffer because G-d is this scary monster up in the sky who seeks to cause us pain. We suffer for reasons so outside of ourselves. I feel today I have lost my mother again but it is because I need to pray for my friend and, for what the road looks like ahead. I am thankful that I am not babbling today but, because I really have been where she is today, I can intercede on her behalf. I can also pray that the same peace and love that was mine will be hers. I can pray that her heart would be held by the one who made it; that He will rock her in the middle of the night when her heart cries out for the mother that is not in this life anymore. I can pray that in a few months when others are not as attentive she will not feel alone. I can pray that the joy of memories will carry her on the hard days. I can pray that she would not be afraid or embarrassed to cry when it feels like she should be alright. I am thankful for the exchange of beauty for my ashes, gladness for mourning and peace for despair. When I am able to go to my Father, on behalf of my sister, and cry for her and tell Him to help her not hurt, and to take care of her just like He did me, it is evident my suffering is not in vain.