Beautiful Sorrow

A friend of mine lost her mom yesterday. I got the phone call and fell apart immediately. I wasn't extremely close to her mother but I loved her as many of us did. I spent much of my night, before drifting off to sleep finally, praying for my friend. As I prayed what happened was painful but needed. Sometimes in situations I don't know what to pray. I feel like I am just babbling words that don't quite fit the situation or I can't quite express what my feelings really are and they cannot be articulated sufficiently into a prayer. What happened as I lay in the darkness was the L-rd brought back so many emotions of what I felt the night my own mother died. I was transported back to the house, the smells, each person that sat in my room with me, how I couldn't go into a dark room for months afterward, how I felt the peace of G-d so strongly sometimes and then so desperately alone at others. The fear, the sadness, the uncertainty and so many other emotions all at one time that would wash over me. That day has shifted the way I look at EVERYTHING. So I prayed specifically for those issues for my friend. I realize we don't suffer because G-d is this scary monster up in the sky who seeks to cause us pain. We suffer for reasons so outside of ourselves. I feel today I have lost my mother again but it is because I need to pray for my friend and, for what the road looks like ahead. I am thankful that I am not babbling today but, because I really have been where she is today, I can intercede on her behalf. I can also pray that the same peace and love that was mine will be hers. I can pray that her heart would be held by the one who made it; that He will rock her in the middle of the night when her heart cries out for the mother that is not in this life anymore. I can pray that in a few months when others are not as attentive she will not feel alone. I can pray that the joy of memories will carry her on the hard days. I can pray that she would not be afraid or embarrassed to cry when it feels like she should be alright. I am thankful for the exchange of beauty for my ashes, gladness for mourning and peace for despair. When I am able to go to my Father, on behalf of my sister, and cry for her and tell Him to help her not hurt, and to take care of her just like He did me, it is evident my suffering is not in vain.

Why do we think so much of ourselves?

Sometimes what you want to say has already been said. And it has been said so much better than you probably ever could. I know when to just let someone else do the talking.


The following quote comes from the pen of Horatius Bonar (1808 - 1889), the great Scottish preacher, poet, author and hymn writer (and probably other stuff too). It talks about the true nature of belief in God. *****

In all unbelief there are these two things—a good opinion of one’s self and a bad opinion of God. Man’s good opinion of himself makes him think it quite possible to win God’s favor by his own religious performances; and his bad opinion of God makes him unwilling and afraid to put his case wholly into His hands. The object of the Holy Spirit’s work (in convincing of sin) is to alter the sinner’s opinion of himself, and so to reduce his estimate of his own character that he shall think of himself as God does, and so cease to suppose it possible that he can be justified by an excellency of his own. The Spirit then alters his evil opinion of God, so as to make him see that the God with whom he has to do is really the God of all grace.

But the inquirer denies that he has a good opinion of himself and owns himself a sinner. Now a man may SAY this, but really to KNOW it is something more than SAYING. Besides, he may be willing to take the name of sinner to himself, in common with his fellow-men, and yet not at all own himself such a sinner as God says he is—such a sinner as needs the cross, and blood, and righteousness of the Son of God. It takes a great deal to destroy a man’s good opinion of himself; how difficult it is to make a man think of himself as God does! What but the almightiness of the Divine Spirit can accomplish this?

Unbelief, then, is the belief of a lie and the rejection of the truth. Accept, then, the character of God as given in the gospel; the Holy Spirit will not give you peace irrespective of your views of God’s character. It is in connection with THE TRUTH concerning the true God, “the God of all grace,” that the Spirit gives peace. That which He shows us of ourselves is only evil; that which He shows us of God is only good!

Jesus loves the little children

Race symposium in Greenville. We attended sort of by invitation. It was a meeting of community, mostly leaders. Small towns offer this very unique experience in that you can be in the same room with the mayor and city councilmen and nobody bats an eye. You don't have to be in a select group to be a part of an event where they are. I like that.
The discussion obviously was "race" or more importantly "racism". Discussion included what is the definition of, is it systemic, personal, is it better or worse today than say 50 years ago. It was good. A good start as one of the women stated. Greenville is not the only place where discussions like these take place I am sure but since we are here I am impressed that this small town is seeking to look different from their past. There is at least a look of sensitivity to a problem no matter how open or hidden, that needs to fixed. I believe there is racism but I also believe the bible is the infallible Word of G-d and therefore since race is NOT mentioned in the bible, the point is moot(my belief). We live in this world though, so I understand why people feel the need to talk about this subject in the terms they do.
I came away thinking about one thing in particular. While I often think of "racism" in terms of "black" folks I realize that I often don't consider some people groups that may be dealing with this issue. I especially don't think about say some one of Asian descent because I have my own prejudices about them being educated and finding community among there own. Then a funny thing happened. I was reading a Facebook post where some fellow homeschoolers were talking about a group of people in "our community". We will call them for "racism" sake the "skirtsonlies". There was a flippant joke made about the women that walk around in their homeschool mom uniform. As the jokes poured in about the long french braid down the back and the tennis shoes and the denim jumpers it dawned on me we as believers have not arrived! While I pray that no evil intent was meant and that it was "all in fun" what I do know is the conversations I have had with other homeschoolers who assume I am one of "them" and feel comfortable to talk to me about their opinion of the "skirtsonlies". While I will not succumb to a title of any kind I would probably put myself more on "their"(the skirtsonlies) side, I thought it extremely insensitive for the discussion to be happening so much in the open because there is a large homeschool group in our small town and anyone could have read that.
I guess I say this all to say although "racism" in many forms is much better than it was, we as sinful human beings will always struggle to see people through the lens of WHO they belong to. All of us belong to one loving, gracious, and merciful Father. Your skin color, your culture, your hair type, your height, where you live, what you do, how much education you have, should not be a badge of dishonor. If I have convictions that you don't I shouldn't have to feel bad about what I believe my Father is saying to ME. Instead we should be able to walk with our heads held high knowing that the Father has created me like me and you like you. I wear skirts alot now; my persoanl conviction. Those "skirtsonlies" are my people and as much as the people who have piercing and spikey hair. If you are His you are mine!

All are Welcome

When I was growing up I remember Poltergeist being one of my favorite movies ever. I was so intrigued by the whole concept of a little girl being lost in a television. Of course looking back totally inappropriate watching for a little girl but some of the lines of the movie still are stuck in my brain. One line that sticks with me is "all are welcome". I don't know why that line sticks with me but when I hear it is always in a different context from the movie. We have now moved a total of too many times for my liking. We moved to Texas just about two years ago. I never moved as a child so it has definitely been a new experience for me. I think mostly what has impacted me is that sense of belonging that is difficult to find when you are coming to a new place. We have met what seems like a million people here in our part of Texas. Small towns are good for that. It is easy to spring up a conversation with anyone. Most people say good morning or hello when they pass you by but when it is all said and done those little conversations don't translate into very much more than just that a little conversation.
Like when you are working on a puzzle and you have a piece that almost fits but in the end it is not the right one and you have to start your search all over again. Peoples arms are open and you think "Yes this is it" and then you realize it just isn't it. My husband and I are both pretty personable people so we are extremely fond of relationships but he has even asked about where do we really fit? I think because we are the ones moving "in" to the neighborhood we see the work that it takes to not just open your arms but your heart. To make people feel included and a part of activities and basically your life is a commitment that takes time and effort. What we see is that sometimes we work at it but it is not reciprocated because we misunderstood good ole' southern hospitality for someone desiring "relationship" with us. We have met some wonderful people and we have had some instances of people opening their hearts and we are most thankful for them but they are not as often or common as we would have hoped. Sad to report also that church and christians are not really doing a great job either. In the town where we spend most of our time there are churches literally everwhere. Yet people stick to what they know and are extremely closed off from newcomers.
I am thankful it has reminded me that there are lonely, abandoned, do I dare say orphaned people out there looking for someone to welcome them into their lives, someone that will welcome them into the family. It also amazes me that so many people from other countries experience the same sense of loneliness, when they come to this country, that we have experienced because we just don't do things the way they do. Family is such a huge part of their lives and their homes are always open. I think going home to our native Chicago helped us see some of what was missing here. So we are praying that what the Father is letting us experience will make us sensitive to love and care for people who are feeling lost in this big overpopulated world where there should not be one lonely heart. We are praying we don't have to move again but if it be His will we will move with a heart of all are welcome because we want the Father to welcome us.