Time flies. I can't believe that it has already been just about 3 months since my littlest daughter was born. Chai is my little precious petite princess. In every way she is such a girly girl already. I love her! I have said many times before that all of my children are gifts from my Heavenly Father and it seems that is a point that gets drilled home with each baby; like an exclamation point to a sentence. I have not always valued life the way I do now. As a little girl I dreamed of having babies-lots of babies. As I grew that dream slowly drifted away and the idea of motherhood seemed almost abhorrent. I didn't even like holding babies. I was that stereotypical young woman holding a baby as far away from my body as my arms could stretch and asking someone to take "it" after not something that could be considered a second. I didn't really see people having babies and certainly not intentionally. The babies I saw being born were usually "accidental" Having babies didn't seem an honorable thing. My, how the mighty have fallen! What I have found is that my Savior was gracious to me. In giving me the greatest gift beside His own life I look back on that woman and see my Savior's mighty hand at work. As I hold Chai and nurse her and my 22 month old lays his head on my knee and I stroke his hair to calm him for a nap I see it. As my daughters gather in the kitchen to try a new recipe and stop to do ballet jumps in the middle of the floor. As my first and oldest "baby" of 15 tells me about some song that he heard that he really likes, I see it. I see how much I needed these babies. I needed them to be able to look beyond myself. I needed them to teach me sacrifice. I needed them to teach me that there was a greater purpose than my all important goals. I have become a person that I don't recognize and I know only my Father is able to do such things in a manner that is gentle and beautiful. My children are truly my greatest joy in life and for those that know me it doesn't matter what stress or difficulty I feel in the course of a day, when my day is done and I take a breath I still believe this is the most wonderful life I could possibly have. Believing truly that children are a blessing from the Most High makes me treasure the days that I have. Right now I am sleep deprived. I am exhausted as I try to get my house back in an order where we can function and have a schedule that runs smoothly. I have some of the typical postpartum issues: this isn't fitting and my hair is weird. I am also pretty sure Boaz and Chai tag team to see how frazzled I can get when they both decide to NEED me at the same time. On the other side of that none of it matters too much. My Father knew what I needed with my very self-centered, spoiled self was babies to put it all in perspective. I thank Him for a change of mind and a change of heart. Bonus is that I have been able to teach my children through my actions what a gift children really are and watch them ooh and aah over babies no matter whose they are. He is amazing in providing the cure for the sickness of sin in places we don't know exist. Hindsight is truly 20/20.

Motherhood:the greatest gift I have ever received.