Altzheimers has claimed two of my favorite men in the world: my grandfather who died a few years ago and now my dad. Let me say that it really puts things on your mind when you watch others get lost in the years that have passed and not be able to grasp what is happening currently.How does your mind choose to let some memories go and grip some others? How does that feel to look at something and suddenly not recognize it. I praise G-d that my grandfather never forgot me and my father seems to be holding on to me in his memory as well. Both my grandfather and father were very difficult men. And as much as I loved and adored them both, one thing that I remember about their personalities was how unforgiving they were when others had wronged them. So ironically one thing that I have enjoyed about my dad is that if he gets angry with me, about anything, all I have to do is wait a few minutes and it's gone!Now don't get me wrong I hate what my father is going through but what a blessing that has been to me in our relationship over the last few years knowing that I would always have a clean slate with him the next time we talked. So here is where I show you how I think. I pray you can follow the chain as it relates to remembering and forgetting. It appears like one of those balls of yarn that you think you can never untangle.
One major component of school is remembering, which I don't remember being good or bad at just knew I had to do it. Then I got to high school and remembering became increasingly harder. After all these years, what I remember most about being in school were the social interactions which in my case were not pleasant most of the time. I was not very welcomed as a classmate. I was a little socially awkward and I still remember the feeling of rejections all through school. I remember lots of bad days not many good ones and I know there had to be some but no matter how hard I try to remember those memories are just not there. I wonder if the social situations were taking up so much of my mind that I could not remember the things I was supposed to: the academics, the reason I was in school in the first place. What I remember even more than the situations are the people who were behind some of the hurtful situations. Why are certain things stained in our brains?
When we discipline our children it is a very deliberate process because we want them to understand the concept of sin. We also want them to understand their relationship to G-d and how that would look "on paper" if we were to draw out a diagram showing Him, us, sin, and them. Most importantly, after we have made it clear about the sin they have commited against the L-rd, is what comes next. FORGIVENESS. With forgiveness for us comes forgetting and once we leave that room we try and make it clear we are moving on. My husband is also an extremely forgiving man who properly loves us by "keeping no records of wrongs". Oddly enough I, like many wives I know, usually end up fussing at my husband about something that he has forgotten that I know I told him. What is also strange is that my husband has this amazing memory and can drag out from the caverns of his mind some of the most eclectic information.What does that say about him or me or us? Does forgiveness always mean forgetting? I ponder this all the time and try to see in my own life how this appears to be working. With what I can gather, from my own personal research(sounds very official huh?) is forgiveness most certainly means forgetting. Psalms 103:12 "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our trangressions from us" gives us the picture of forgiveness and how merciful He is to us who don't deserve mercy. Hebrews 8:12 takes it a step further "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more". So when I come to my father now with a clean slate before us no wonder it is such a freeing experience to me because he is more like my heavenly Father when he is not remembering how I may have messed up yesterday. It also gives me a picture of how my heavenly Father sees me. When I confess my sins to Him he doesn't hold it over my head and bring it up at times when I am most vulnerable. He puts those things far away from himself. I have been totally blessed by my ability to forgive my children and some of those who I feel have wronged me in some major way. I have experienced such wonderful joy after having forgiven something that once felt unforgiveable. Being able to not remember by choice feels like much more of a blessing than having memories taken from me. For those events in my life that seem too unforgettable why are they? And why can't I remember those things that I truly want to remember. Why are there some things that I can't "just get over it"?
We can't just think that because we say we forgive we have done so. We must remember to forget. When I have not forgiven I remember minute details that most likely no other normal person would remember about the exact same event. It breaks my heart to say that I have not arrived when it comes to forgiveness and forgetfulness:one of those flaws in my character that continues to thwart my progress as a believer. The L-rd is gracious to me giving me gentle reminders as I seek to be more like him in this area but always and every time I don't succeed my heavenly Father always remembers to forgive and forget.
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