No Crucifixion......?

So after months of pondering "should I really start blogging?", wondering was there some hidden motive behind my desire or if this was just some silly whim that had been placed into my head because of the excess of bloggees these days (like maybe I caught a cold) I have come to the decision that I would, indeed, go forward in this endeavor. One of the biggest obstacles that I faced was when to start. Let me tell you a little about myself. Using my friend's words: I see poetically. More simply put I am always writing. Sometimes I actually stop to put something on paper but there are most days when I just wonder how long it would take me to get it all down and it is way too overwhelming. A little more about me I am also thoughtful. I don't mean the kind that is thinking of other people's needs(which I do but that doesn't apply here). I am more brooding, that is deep in thought about life whether it be people, family, G-d, or anything else that may come up. Well, why after brooding did I come up with this particular day to start? Shouldn't it be some monumental moment in time? A triumphant success or joyous occasion should certainly mark "the beginning" of my blogging days.
Some people who know me understand that this would seem like the worst possible time to start. I have over the past few months been absolutely bombarded with trials. I cannot even begin to tell you all of them, because it is a lot and it would ruin posts of future topics, but there are many. Yesterday as an update on one such trial was reported to me it felt like the proverbial straw. My little girls playing all around me, I left them to go to the bathroom and cry and get down on my knees and talk to the G-d, who at that moment I was convinced had left me, to handle all this messiness alone. The pain that overcame me I cannot even begin to describe and as I literally cried like a baby because it hurt so bad the pain didn't go away. I walked out of the bathroom puffy eyed and got ready to leave to go do my motherly tasks. There are times when the G-d of the universe seems to step off His throne and come down and talk to me. Sitting at my computer something happened. Driving down the highway something happened. Many years ago before I was born something happened. The Cross. The Cross. The Cross. Phillipians 3:10 says that I may know Him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made comformable unto his death and 1 Peter 4:13 says But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. I started to look at my life from some odd perspective that was or at least appeared outside myself. My life, began at the moment where a man walked to his death carrying a cross that he would eventually be nailed to, raised high into the air and give up his life. The man who is my Savior endured pain that, even in these most difficult trials that I am facing, I have not known. The cross is not pretty or pleasant and neither is my life right now. I feel bloodied and bruised. I am tired and sweaty and exhausted. There are times, right now, where I feel like I can barely crawl let alone run this race. But the race is not given to the swift or to the strong. I think over the passages where I have read the account of my Savior on that day when he would give the ultimate sacrifice for us. He was bruised and beaten. He was exhausted and sweaty. He was thirsty and was being taunted and teased the whole long road before he actually made it to the destination and then he was nailed on a tree. But I understand something about that death: true life starts at the moment when you are truly able to grasp the concept of the Cross. The same way the crucifixion really means life for us is the same way I desire my suffering to stand for something more than the pain.
So I take this opportunity to start this journey of blogging. There are no hidden motives and no I didn't "catch" a blog. I believe the cross is as monumental and joyous an occasion as we can have. To any who would stop by I pray that you would see a beautiful story of Love, Life and Light. My life is what it is because of who my Savior is no more and definitely nothing less!

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank the first pastor I ever had and the seeds he planted in my life. He went to be with the L-rd today. I will forever be grateful for your heart for me and all those who sat under your teaching.